Trust?

"Sho, you don't value people in your life. There are some people who love you a lot! But you hardly care. You'll regret!"

I don't know why have I become so indifferent? No matter how good someone is to me, I just don't let anyone come close to me. Why is it so?
Why do I always feel that the moment someone becomes important for me to live , will be the moment he'll leave me and go away.

People like me as a person, become a good friend, trust me with all their heart, but when they expect me to have confidence in them and trust them back, I don't!
I know it must be annoying for them.
I'm sorry.

I want to have that one person who I can tell everything to, but experience tells me that I shouldn't.
Because when I tell my problems to people, all they do is- form their own perspective about me. Judge me. Or even cheat me.

So where is this TRUST supposed to come from?

I just don't want to be dependent on anyone, because for the times when I've been,the consequences were not fair.

I want to love people. I want to trust them. I want to give back what they feel for me.
But I can't.
I just can't.

You know what? It's strange that people want me to feel the things which they never show.
When I say 'I'm happy' , 'I'm fine' , it's surprising to note that no one ever wonders that maybe I'm lying.

When I needed people the most, they were never there. And now people expect me to act like GOD and be there for them whenever they want me to and rush out of their matters whenever they feel like.

My grandpa left this world, and two weeks later all I have is friends shouting at me and fighting with me in front of the whole class and then suddenly everyone quits talking to me.
Anyone cared?

I was disturbed all July, August 1 my exams started, I gave my 100%, I couldn't do well. Mum knew this. She didn't say anything and consoled me. And friends? Blame me, tell me that I can't make it to my dreams. I'm at fault. I'm careless. I was already shattered.
Anyone cared?

It feels like I'm knocking at a door which will never open up for me.

When I ALWAYS have to deal with my problems on my own, when I ALWAYS have to put up a fake smile and act like I don't care, then WHY should I care about others?

I think people should think twice, or maybe a million times before putting such accusations.

Because when you don't know the whole story, how can you even think of summarising it?